We love a girl that knows her own worth! Full disclaimer: I have been known to redownload apps post deleting them so don’t hate me if you’re sat next to me on the tube watching me swipe left. Gotta save some for a rainy Sunday...
Let’s get one thing straight here. I am not judging you if you are on dating apps, I’ve been on them from as soon as I could create a Facebook account at the meagre age of 13 years old. Ha, promise that was a joke. Also, I do believe you can find genuine love on there - my bestie met her boyfriend of 2 years on there - proven success!
All I’m saying here is that dating apps aren’t working for me as an individual right now, infact, they are so very wrong for a girl like me who can become quite obsessed with emotional states that affect how my life spans out for that month. Let me explain why…
Being on a dating app, the energy isn’t as authentic or “cosmically pre-determined” as bumping into a stranger at a bar, halfway across the world, would be.
That doesn’t mean that you’re not likely to find the love of your life on Bumble, but I do think the odds are very much not in your favour. Why? You’re actively searching for it. Like one of those cheap metal detectors you got for Christmas, you’re not sure it even works, but here you are scanning the sand left right and centre like you might be able to find the Imperial State Crown beneath. I admire you if you find it, and I’m the first person to preach about the creation process and how you can muster something up through visualisation and belief alone.
But, alas, crawling through the sand and scratching away at it like a desperate little squirrel isn’t creating the all magical high vibration state that we need to be in to fall in love. It’s creating a panicked and vacuumed energy of “I have nothing”, and we’re never ever putting our best foot forward when we do that.
If you genuinely believe that there is nothing about you because you haven’t found your life partner yet, that’s so genuinely sad because there is so much that life is offering you that you are potentially sleeping on because you’re so fixated on getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s break it down even more, and I’m lecturing myself more than anything:
you’re obsessed with empty validation from STRANGERS who don’t know even a millicenimetre of what makes you you.
They’re yet to know your aura, smell your beautiful perfume, notice how your nose crinkles when you laugh, or how kind you are when talking to waiters at a restaurant. And yet we get incredibly frustrated and OFFENDED over a left on read or a non match.
To put it another way, believe in yourself more and accept this for what it is. It’s nothing to do with you, it’s to do with the culture you’re buying into. Dating apps are pretty low investment, not because they’ve built a reputation on being about hookups, but because until you actually meet the chat robot you’re hammering the keys away at, they don’t owe you anything. Nada. Not a single thing. That’s not me justifying the whole ghosting thing, it’s a low move to leave somebody unsure why you disappeared and it doesn’t leave you yourself with the best karmic energy - I’ve been known to ghost myself a few times and I receive an awful load back, the circle of life and all that I guess.
But seriously, when I think back to all the times I’ve ghosted somebody, it’s not for any legit or genuine reason to do with the human I was chatting to, it was to do with myself and the fact that I wasn’t invested energetically in what felt like this ‘not yet real’ person behind the screen. This might have been my loss because we might have vibrationally aligned in real life and he could have been a catch!
But that’s the point, there isn’t that collision of energy and real sparkle in texting that there is in a face to face interaction. Unless it’s some real good texting - get your mind out the gutter, sonnets and all that is what I’m talking about!
Of course we have the new ways of living to blame for that, but that’s also a good reason why we mustn’t forget that we are lucky to even have this technology in the first place. It allows us to meet people without leaving the house, some magic ay.
I just think the sooner you accept the fact that a lot of people have this nonchalant ‘it is what it is’ mentality on dating apps, the happier and healthier your mind will be when using them. Every man for themselves in this cut-throat game that is online dating.
I’m being very generalist when I say this, but a lot of people aren’t going to be as proactive in asking you out online as they would be if they met you in person. And that’s a compliment (I mean I’d be more offended if it was the other way round). So that’s fine if you’re just looking for a bit of late night non-committal convo, but I personally am ready for things to go some place, and I’m finding the dating app world to be a bit stagnant and lazy right now.
That’s most likely to do with myself, like I said, dating apps are a great tool in today’s day and age and they’re full of potential when used right. But I’m not using them in the right state of mind or for the right reason right now. So I need to go off and hit the refresh button on my mindset, or as Gabriella said to a down-beaten Troy once:
I can only do that by searching less on Tinder, and searching more within.
When you’re looking for something, you’re less likely to find it. This is because you are in a state of lack, it’s like you’re not anything until you find that last jigsaw puzzle piece. But for the universe to reward you with the things you want (not need!), you have to be joyously in love with the life you are living as is. Very cheeky and conniving of the old universe I must admit, but I can totally get why it does it… it wants you to be fully built as a person before you go “relying” on somebody else, that’s how you build an epic and ever-lasting love!
So for now? Date yourself instead! I always wanted a boyfriend so I could go and watch Titanic live in concert. Yep, you heard it. I just thought it would be the most romantic thing eveeeeer. But feeling like I can’t do something that I want until I have somebody else there with me is cutting my nose off to spite my face. Why deny enjoyment? I might never meet somebody and then what? A lifetime and no spine-chilling orchestral version of My Heart Will Go On? God damn, I’m not taking the risk! Am I not good enough company for myself? Hell yeah I am!
You’ll be surprised how much life loves you back when you decide to start actively loving it. In all it’s glory, right now. Besides, I might be sat next to my very own Leo Di Cap at the theatre, also confidently single and there for himself and no-one else. Who knows?
There's nothing sexier than being unashamedly solo.
Squeeze every drop out of life! You need your head out of your phone in order to see the beauty of the world around you.
P.S, if you are interested in me, my DMs are still open on every single social media site...